20 years ago, he stripped me n*ked in the market place •••

Dear Coolestgist

, Help me out. I have been humiliated. I have gone through the worst 20 years and over of my years, and now, I am expected to forget everything and forgive. The fact, however, is that, I have forgiven a long time ago, but forgetting is not easy and I wish everyone concerned in this issue would leave me alone and also leave God out of this. I want your readers to advise me on what to do. As far as I am concerned, I have lost everything, so I don’t know what they all want from me again.

 In September, I will be 73 years old. I had only one child, a daughter who I lost 20 years ago. She was everything to me, because her father, my husband who would have stood by me during my trying period di*d when she was just seven. It was not that I did not desire to remarry, but one way or the other every other, relationship I tried after my husband’s demise did not work. So you can imagine my joy when my daughter got married and started having children.

 She was a lucky child, who got things right at a very early stage. She passed through school without much ado and after her university education she got a good job. When she told me she wanted to get married, though, still very young, I had no cause to stop her. My only concern was the man she wanted to marry, he was a lot older than she was and I also didn’t like his tribe. I eventually had to let go, when my daughter assured me that all would be well. I also prayed about it and I was assured that with prayers all would be well. If I had known, I would have followed my instinct.

 I would have stopped her from marrying him. I would not want to mention his name and tribe because I don’t want to be tagged a tribalist. This is because, I have come to realise that sometimes it is not about the tribe, but about the person. On the long run my daughter was blessed with a baby girl barely a year into her marriage. My joy had no bounds.

 Like every proud mother, I stayed in her home to help with the baby care. Not that I didn’t have a job, I had a thriving business, but I had to leave everything in the hands of a trusted aid to help with the baby care. I went back to my place when I was sure she could cope. I still wasn’t comfortable with her husband; but I had no choice but to get used to him and I kept praying. I couldn’t place my hands on the real reason I wasn’t comfortable with him, but the feeling just wouldn’t go away. 

 She was fast in conceiving again. This was why I had to go to her place when she delivered another baby, this time a boy when her first child was barely one. I noticed that things were a little strained between the couple and my daughter was edgy. When I asked her she said all was well. How I wished she had confided in me. Two weeks after she delivered her second baby, she became ill.

 Very ill that she was hospitalised. You could imagine my state of mind. She was asked to stop breastfeeding her baby because her PCV kept falling. She was in the hospital for over a month. After she was discharged from the hospital, she started another session of sickness. We resorted to prayers; added to the medical treatment. A friend of mine took me to a spiritual church where my daughter was advised to leave her husband if she wanted to live. 

 Initially she refused, but later she consented, but this man would not release her. His excuse was that she could not take his children away from his house. I pleaded with him to allow me take them - my daughter and her kids away to take care of her and when she’s better they would return, but he refused. Eventually, when her little baby was seven months, she di*d.

 Before her death, she screamed from her sleep that fateful night. She said she was beaten on her right thigh by a dog in a dream. Unfortunately, the sign was shown clearly on her thigh when she woke up. We began another spiritual battle; until I lost her. I was however confused, sad and devastated when her husband and his family members pointed accusing fingers at me, that I k*lled my daughter.

 As a result of this, they took my grandchildren who would have been my source of joy away from me. Some of my friends and family members too also deserted me. I however, held on to God and my faith in him never for one day shook. I was not even allowed to see my grandchildren, not for one day. Thereafter, I was disgraced out of my son-in-laws house. To make it worse, I was not even allowed to know where my daughter was buried. 

Despite these I had no choice than to pray for my grandchildren and wish them well. Surprisingly, two months ago, my shepherd called me on the phone and asked to see me. I attend a spiritual church. He told me that a young man and lady visited him - my grandchildren and they requested him to facilitate a meeting with me. I was curious and I consented to the meeting. They are my blood and I have nothing against them.

 When we met, their mission was to meet and plead with me on their father’s behalf. Apparently, the issue that was covered over 20 years ago was exposed by God. He had told them a lot of lies about me, hence, they were not interested in looking for me. The youngest of the two, however went to a spiritual church with a friend and a lot of things were revealed to him. He was advised to carry out some spiritual exercises and also pray. At the end of the exersise, their father lost, money, wealth and even his health. 

 When the chips were down, he came home to meet his kids and whoever cared to listen that he wanted my forgiveness. He confessed to using their mother for money rituals while passing the buck to me. He did not only stop there, he became insane. The solution, however, is that he should seek my forgiveness. Forgiveness; I have done so a long time before now, but the claim is that if he does not see me and I pray for him he would remain in this state till he dies.

 This I am not ready to do. My grandchildren have sent almost everyone to beg me. What am I expected to do? Please, somebody tell me. He stripped me naked in the market place. He denied me the joy of motherhood and gave me everlasting heartache. Now, he wants me to bless him. I have forgiven him for the sake of my grandchildren, but I think he is asking for too much.

 Please, advise me